Bagong

Hello, stalkers. Gue mau menceritakan tentang kisah yang gue sebut LOVE nih.

Before you judge me based on my story, i am not a playgirl. I am just kind of girl who wants to learn what is loyal, faithful, pure kindness, and love. I want to tell you about my love life. It is not like in the movie or novel. I have my own story about it. Well this is my story.

I still looking for what is the meaning of love. Since i was in junior high school, i was very bad at relationship. It only went around two months for the longest. Bored. Very bored. And when i bored, i used to see another guy who can make me more happy. It always happened until the last year of my junior high school. The story started when i entered high school, the place where you can find full of dramas. I had a pretty short-conversation back then with this guy. We started in social media, night conversation, asking fot phone number, and texting. Ohya, i forgot the important parts. He is my senior and i had no idea who is he even we already texting. Three days after the holiday, he asked me out and boom he asked me whether i want to be his girlfriend or not. I did not answer directly by that time. I ask for one day to think about it since we've just met three days ago and now you asked me whether i can be your girlfriend or not. And Yes. The answer was yes. Well... i did not like him as much as he thought actually back then, but i would like to try.

Our relationship lasted until 18 months. I had learned so much in my 'real first' relationship. He taught me the meaing of loyalty. faithfull, and love. He made me comfortable and i felt like i was the special one and i did not even see for other guy instead of him. He taught me "when two people met, there must be an end, whether both of you who make it or God who would"

We broke up because of something. Then i dated with one of his bestfriend. It was awkward but we were okay about it. I had crush on my second boyfriend since i entered high school. Not because he was charming, but for me, he was quite cool. Ohya, he is a psych-motorbike rider. That was my reason why i liked him. I did not even believe that we were together. But i did not feel any feeling for the past eight months. I think, i did not like him as much as i thought or maybe it was basically my imaginary who liked him. We started on September and ended it on May. Exactly seven days before my fuckin' birthday. 

And yep, gue akhirnya masuk dunia perkuliahan juga. It is not as bad as what people think. It’s great. Great friends, great environment, everything seems so nice. Well, setelah gue putus untuk kedua kalinya, I had one rule. Fuck relationship. Focus on your study and friends. Tapi engga sampe dua minggu setelah gue membuat my new rules, gue udah melanggar.

 Until i met someone.... We met in my major "Meet and Greet". His name is S. Appearently, we were so connected. Our conversation, the jokes, everything. And i joined one event in my campus. I met a guy. He is my senior. His name is P. He is three years older than me. Well he seemed very 'educated-guy'. We talked, laughed, and everything. Everything seemed so right. And i had a feeling that this guy tried to get closer to me. Ergh, i broke my first rule.

I was very close with S and P. Both of them are very good guys. Until one day.... Both of them told about their feeling to me, at the same day!

First P and after that S. I could not imagine what was i supposed to do. Both of them are great. I was not ready for the real relationship so i said to them "let's getting know each other first!". Dude, we're just met..... 

After knowing them for about one or two months, P is a good guy. He is so amature in taking care of anything, everything while S is a psych-basketball lover, story teller, and we have same negative personality which are temper, selfish, very stubborn, and high-ego. I considered that whether i could be with him or not... We are too same. What if we fight and no one wants to give in. Our relationship might be lasted for a while and i did not want to. But i still want to try.

In that time, really, i could not decide my decision. Both of them are great. Until one day, P gave me a unbelieveable surprise and i could not say NO. But i had no idea why S cross over in my mind all the time. I called him that night and explained everything. I thought it's over between me and him. Appearently not. We did not talk for two days until i could not handle myself that actually my mood is depend on him. We talked finally and since then, we are getting closer and closer. Yes, i was in relationship with P already. When i with him,  he did not make me feel like i'm special. I was special, Too much assuming, asking for everything. Omg, can you just love me for me? This is who truly am. I never change. It's just you who only know the truly me. We're done. It simply because he could not accept me for me. Apa yang gue dapet selama gue menjalin hubungan dengan P adalah I have tried to change myself that it was not me at all. Merubah dari arah yang negative ke positive itu bagus. Tapi saking mau merubahnya, he tried to change me as a whole. If you cannot accept me for me, you are in the right decision. Daripada memaksakan sesuatu, lebih baik melepaskan untuk arah lebih baik.

Selama gue sama P, gue semakin dekat dengan S and I don’t know why, my mood is depend on him. Kalo dia bête, gue bias jadi ikutan bête. Kalo dia lagi seneng banget, gue bisa jadi ikutan seneng banget. Aneh deh pokoknya. To be honest, I always denial myself that I did not like him and I always said to my friends; we cannot be together since our personality is similar. But I can’t deny the fact that if he was not around me, I looked for him. He is like my mood-breaker, yet mood-booster as well. Gue udah putus dengan P. But not even single tears drop from my eyes. Yang malah gue pikirkan adalah S. Gue sendiri pun engga tau kenapa bisa begitu. Gue tau, semenjak gue masih sama P-pun, sikap S ke gue sangat berbeda dia ke orang lain. He cared about me but in his own way. Kadang orang melihatnya itu kasar, but for me it was his special treatment.

Dia itu basketball-holic. Dia selalu curhat apapun ke gue. Kalo andaikan dia curhat bukan ke gue, gue pasti merasa….sedih

Sampai akhirnya insiden dimana me and my friends went to Pari island to have a great holiday. Pokoknya semenjak saat itu, the truth finally revealed between me and him. It was so wow. I cannot even describe one word for that day. It was amazing.

Singkatnya, he waited for me when I still with P. He was so patient. He chose to stay rather than having new girlfriend. He chose to stay there, wait for me. He is my guy now. Gue mendapatkan sesuatu yang sama sekali gue engga dapatkan in my previous relationship. He taught me everything. Everything. He is my guy.

He taught me to be loyal, patient, accept someone for who they are. He accept me for me. He does not care what people said about me, he does not care how do I look like or how bad I am, he does not care how many times we fought, HE JUST WANT TO BE WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT.

And the most important is, he still teach me what is LOVE all about. He is still my mood-breaker and mood-booster. No matter how many times we fight, i still want to be with you. I prefer to have tons of fight with you rather than being silent. Let's grow up together to be more mature. I know we can.  

He is mine. He is my man. He is Bagong.

I love you, San J

the5thoctober@gmail.com